KT10: Same As It Ever Was

KT9 yawned, shoving her front door open. She yawns again, before yawning a third time, becoming suddenly lightheaded, falling over, and barely catching herself on a fencepost. She looks down at the shards of ceramic and coffee that now reside by her feet. She stands back up.

“Man, remember when I had a front yard?” she groans, looking at her entire 1 foot of lawn. She watches as the mail truck slides around the entire block at 92 miles per hour, narrowly avoiding clipping every single mailbox on the street. She stumbles to her mailbox, and notices a small package inside. Deciding that it’s probably a pipe bomb, she slams the metal lid back on the container.

She turns around and sets off towards her house as the row of mailboxes behind her detonates. She continues, unphased, and walks back inside.

KT9 grabs a broom from the kitchen, walking all the way back to the front porch and begins sweeping the destroyed mug into an aluminum dustpan. She sighs, tossing the shards of broken ceramic into the trash can. She pats her jacket pocket, pulls out a pack of cigarettes, lights one up, and shoves the entire thing into her mouth. She chews on it, swallows it, and shudders.

She hops over the walls of her porch, walking to her back yard. She notices a manhole cover in the grass under her back deck. She carefully lifts the cover and sees a small concrete room, with a futon, desk, and complete mess of wires and obsolete computer equipment. She raises an eyebrow and peeks in from another angle, seeing a bird-girl curled up on the couch-bed.

“Hey, uhh..” she says, waking the bird up. “When did I kidnap you?”

“You… didn’t, I hope?” the bird answers, sitting up. “This is my nest, friend.”

“Oh.” KT9 says. “Well, that’s good, at least. When did you show up?”

“Last Thursday, I think. Also, could you knock next time?” the bird prompts, mildly annoyed.

“Oh, sorry. I just didn’t recognize your… abode.” KT9 answers, confused. “I guess you can stay here, just… don’t be loud, and don’t do anything stupid…”

“Cool. Thanks.” the bird answers, unphased. “Also, I just realized… aren’t you that girl that killed that guy at the telephone company?”

KT9 shudders. “No.”

“Pretty sure you are. KT9, right?” the bird says, smiling. KT9 sighs. “No, but he was my boss.”

“What’d he do, even?” the bird asks. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I know, but… I’d like to hear it from you before I say anything.”

“Well, for starters, he’s really bad at accounting fraud. And that’s about all I can tell you.” KT9 says, chewing on another cigarette.

“Non-disclosure agreement?” the bird asks. “No,” KT9 responds, “it’s because technically I still haven’t confessed to capping his ass and, for legal purposes, I didn’t.”

“Right, right. Do you want to hang out later?” the bird asks. “I got Doom running on this thing.” She points to a microwave oven.

“Uhh… sure.” KT9 says, amused.

“Do you have anything you’d rather be called, like, as a friend? KT9 sounds weird.” the bird asks.

“Uhhh… I mean, I could cope with ‘Katie’ or ‘Kat’, I guess…” KT9 replies, slightly insulted.

“Wait, is it KAY TEE NINE or KATIE NINE?” she asks.

“KAY TEE NINE.” KT9 answers. “What’s your name?”

“Legally, my name’s Fitzgertrude Merkaukins III, but… you know, that name sucks ass, so my friends call me Fizzy.”

“Right, Fizzy, it’s starting to sprinkle so I’m going to go before I blow up that… what in the name of fuck is that?” KT9 says, watching black ooze emerge from a purple PCB.

“Oh, that’s the hell portal. It just does that every now and then.”

“WHAT IS THE HELL PORTAL?” KT9 asks, immensely concerned.

“I don’t really know, but I slotted it into this ThinkStation and it runs Quake at 600FPS now.”

“Are you positive that you’re not summoning a demon in my backyard?” KT9 says, before shuddering again.

“Yea, I’m pretty sure.” Fizzy says. “After all, I’m not really in your backyard… I’m under it.”

“Well, that sure is consolation.” KT9 says, before lowering the manhole cover back down and staring at the orange sky. “BYE!” Fizzy shouts from inside the nest.